Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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