I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
