he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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