I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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