I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
