Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
