Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
