Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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