Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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