So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
