it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
