i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
