Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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