I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Randomize
