y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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