All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
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I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
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Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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