I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
