tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Randomize
