hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I didn't notice because vodka
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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