he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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