I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
