Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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