Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
