The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
