I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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