I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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