I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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