what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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