you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
