Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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