false alarm. still invincible.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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