Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
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