just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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