Got a toothbrush?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
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