Cold hands, warm shart.
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
