whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Randomize
