Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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