Quick, to the slutcave!
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
