I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
