dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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