): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
