sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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