God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
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We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
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I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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