Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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