people are starting to question the shark bite story
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
