You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
