Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
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Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
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Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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