...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize