I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
