I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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