It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
