When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I'm always down for nudity.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
