What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
