Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
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