i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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