I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
i black out too much to be "responsible"
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
