Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
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He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
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I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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