I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
