My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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