Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
