He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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